Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
