he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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