I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
