Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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