woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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