Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
