I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
