Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
