Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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