Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
