I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
