Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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