Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
