I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
