i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
