When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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