i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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