i already hear my dad disowning me
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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