eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have post one night stand depression
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