I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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