Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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