I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
