It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
