so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
only you would photoshop your dick
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
