just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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