my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
