I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I CAN MOONWALK!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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