You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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