Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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