9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
