My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
