Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There r osticjed everywhere
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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