she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
