hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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