Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
