Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
