I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
