mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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