I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
