Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
