im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
