I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
