I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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