I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize