is your mom at the bar?
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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