he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
