I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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