Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
