sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
