Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize