Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
