Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
