I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
