so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
