just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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