you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
