I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
