I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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