Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
