Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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