I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
