Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
