I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
