but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
