Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
