I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
