And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
