so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
