Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
