I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
