Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
