I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize