Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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