I just saw a hot homeless man
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
