Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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