I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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