there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
