I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
