You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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