giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
