how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How naked do you want me to be?
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