my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
