You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
