Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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