Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
