she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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