I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
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