come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
