u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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