the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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