Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
