I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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