we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
