You're completely useless in the revolution.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
