well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
