That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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