I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize