Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
